Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
