i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i would one night stand the shit outta him
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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