do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
