There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
