How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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