Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
my being single is dangerous.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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