My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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