we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
