wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
