Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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