New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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