yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
