I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
