My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
