there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
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