I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
