Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
