Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
