Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
