I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
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