Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
How's work?
Spinning.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
