No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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