I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
