1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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