At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
