It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
do nipples grow back?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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