I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
