is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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