I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
