am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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