if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Randomize
