Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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