You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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