I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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