Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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