At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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