Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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