Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
