Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
