He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
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