I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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