ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
