the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
