doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
did i just pee glitter
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
