I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
