You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
