I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It was confusing and full of hummus
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.