I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Randomize
