You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She liked it
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
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she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
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YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.