3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
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He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
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I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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