Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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