people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
