I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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