the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize