I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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