is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
