I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
