i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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