high people should be assigned attendants
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
