Christians are straight up FREAKS
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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