No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
