i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
