I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize