Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
