She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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