You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
