my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
