I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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