I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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