Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
40s are totally the cure
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
