A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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