Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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