How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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