I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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